While everyone else was posting their fabulous lists for 2010, I was busy writing about anal sex.
Maybe not the best way to start the new year?
Who cares. This is the new year. And I don’t feel any different.
I’ve noticed a lot of people resolving to do things that involve the negative, like ‘stop smoking,’ ‘have less promiscuous sex,’ and ‘don’t be so annoying all the time.’
Okay, no one actually resolved to be less annoying. Or if they did, they didn’t actually write it down. But some people really should. Like the guy that I met as I was leaving the bar 3 weeks ago who KEEPS texting AND Facebook chatting me. We met for one second. You don’t know me at all. Stop being annoying.
Making resolutions that involves the negative words like ‘don’t’ or ‘stop’ don’t work. The universe is built on the law of attraction. It doesn’t recognize positive or negative. So if you say, ‘Stop raining!’ the universe only sees the ‘raining’ part, and so it will keep raining. If you say instead, ‘Be sunny!’ it will see the ‘sunny’ part, and then be sunny.
Obviously you can’t control the weather with your mind. Or can you? Let me know. If you can, I’ll gladly move back to New York City.
In the meantime, let’s not forget about the SMART method for goal-setting. Effective goals are:
S = Specific
M = Measurable
A = Attainable
R = Realistic
T = Timely
With that in mind, here are my Seven Resolutions for 2010… because I can only handle 7 things at once… wait that sounds wrong… whatever it’s true…
1. Use condoms. Every time. (you can mail me some of these. god damnit.)
2. Take a probiotic every day.
3. Go to yoga at least once a week.
4. Eat at least 4 servings of fruits and vegetables a day.
5. Play piano at least twice a week.
6. Put that nasty-tasting clear stuff on my nails every week so they grow.
7. Make a list of no more than seven things to do each day.
I know it doesn’t seem like a lot, but I can’t change my entire life just because it’s January 1st (or in this case, January 5th). I’m starting small. And I’m endorsing this website. And I’m counting on your support. Because I obviously can’t do it alone.