If it weren’t for me, there would be no you. February 14, 2010

I couldn’t sleep last night. I was on my left side. I was on my back. I rolled over to my stomach. I put my pillow on the other end of the bed and tried being upside down.

I was battling with the tick tick ticking of the societal clock. The MAKE A LOT OF MONEY! GET MARRIED! HAVE KIDS! dilemma. Suddenly, my girl-radar went off. The alarm inside my brain went WAKE THE FUCK UP. It’s Valentine’s Day!

Of course. The one day of the year where society forces us to do one of two things:

A. Celebrate our love for and with our significant other.

B. Wallow in the sorrow of being lonely, cold, and worthless.

Those of us who fall into category B are generally caught up in all the things we don’t have. Sometimes, we’re not in love, but feel like we should be because seemingly everyone else is. Sometimes, we are in love, and the one we love isn’t in love with us back. Sometimes we are in love with the one who loves us back but are too scared to leap into the vortex of emotion. We’re too scared to feel heartbreak. To this, I ask when did this day become a big love-fest for those who are in romantic relationships and an even bigger FML-fest for those who aren’t? Why are we so stuck on all the things we are missing in our lives? We choose our attitude. We choose our happiness. We choose to focus on the people we DO love, even if they are not ‘significant others.’ I have a billion significant others. They are my family. My friends. My roommate’s puppy. I say, they are all significant. To me. And the ‘one’ that I’m missing only exists because I make him exist in my mind. If I didn’t fantasize about the tall, funny, spontaneous, awkward, intelligent goof-ball that I will *someday* fall in love with, he wouldn’t be real. In fact, he’s not real. Not yet. And there’s no reason to fucking worry about him so much.

Today, I woke up at 8:30 am to a glass of pink champagne. I woke up to a hug, a Hallmark card, and a big fatty breakfast. With bacon. Lots of bacon. I woke up to the blasting anthem of our friend Brandy to Live Hard, but Love Harder.

I woke up remembering that there is nothing in this world that is better than love. But there are things that come close. Like pink champagne. And bacon.

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